Amaury Marti Facts
Marti rode on a shark’s back all the way from Cuba to Miami. Upon his arrival, he ate the shark in a single setting and wears its teeth stringed together on a necklace under his jersey as a reminder of his journey.
Albert Pujols has a tatoo of Marti on his back.
Bud Selig ordered the Cardinals to banish him to the Mexican League, in fears of the league losing competitive balance.
Marti lives on a steady diet of pine cones and porcupines.
When Marti left Cuba, Fidel Castro breathed a sigh of relief.
Marti once hit a home run on a hit by pitch.
Marti is his own batting practice pitcher.
He is the black smoke monster on the island.
Marti’s bat is made of Sequoya wood, is filled with monkey skulls and covered in blood.
Marti eats live jellyfish and drinks turpentine.
He once scolded Nancy Grace because he felt she was being “too soft” with the guests on her show.
His favorite ice cream flavor is napalm.
In Mexico, there are two major TV networks. Telemundo and Amaury Marti.
The streets of Minatitlan are paved with the bricks that opposing pitchers have pooped once they had a peek at Marti’s guns.
The chief export of Amaury Marti is line drives.
Marti can play all three outfield positions. At the same time.
He did all the special effects in Transformers.
He’s fluent in Entish and Black Speech.
Alec Baldwin apologized to his daughter because Amaury Marti said so.
Amaury’s birthday is uncertain because Marti does not age. Every birthday, it’s just another year added to his existence, which sucks for opposing pitchers.
You can’t squeeze blood from a turnip. Unless of course you’re Amaury Marti.
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But Marti line an old dog down the left field line.
Carlos Delgado now stands for the National Anthem because Marti says he will.
The Mexican League will now be known as the Amaury Cazana Marti league.
Marti once hit a ground rule double on a ground ball hit to the shortstop.
Marti won’t swing at a hanging breaking ball. He finds them offensive.
When you go to see a game Amaury Marti is playing in, you have to buy 2 sets of tickets one for the baseball game and another for the gun show.
When Amaury Marti does push-ups, he’s not pushing himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Marti does 500 push ups in between each inning. Then he works out a little bit.
It’s been shown that Amaury Marti doesn’t ever actually hit a baseball. The ball flies away in fear before his bat makes contact.
There is boy in Pakistan, a boy in Malta, three in Chad and another in Estonia all named Rawlings because a mysterious white meteorite landed in their family’s yards just before they were born. About three hours beforehand, Amaury Marti had gotten a hold of one of Sammy Sosa’s old bats.
Once, Amaury Marti borrowed Mjolnir for a game. Scientists believe this event caused the Mt. Pinatubo eruption, Hurricane Rita and the Avian Flu.
Amaury translates into “Punisher of Spheroids” in the lost tongue of Atlantis. Marti means “Belgian Waffle.”
Amaury Marti can rip the Mexico City phone book in half. With one hand.
Someone once told Amaury Marti that if he shaved his legs, he’d be able to run faster. Mexico is still experiencing a shortage of razors, and Amaury Marti still has hair on his legs.
Amaury Marti ages slower than everyone else because he is actually moving at 99.9999746% the speed of light.
Amaury Marti hits like Ruth, runs like Mays, and loves like Elizabeth Taylor.
Amaury Marti is under the impression that he is playing in a Catholic slow-pitch softball league for his church.
Amaury Marti had a headache, so he had Albert hit him in the head as hard as he could with an axe; afterwards Arnoldi Cruz sprang, fully formed, out of Marti’s head, wearing a powder blue uniform and carrying a 42 ounce bat. Marti still kicked his butt.
It is widely believed that Amaury Marti’s tears cure cancer. This cannot be proven, however, as Marti has never cried.
Amaury Marti can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Amaury Marti’s warm-up exercises.
It is said that Amaury plays for the Mexican Red Devils, but in truth, the Red Devils play for Amaury Marti.
Amaury is 100 feet tall.
1 Mexican peso = 0.097372 U.S. dollars. One Amaury Nickel = $5,000,000 American dollars.
Amaury is pro-steroids when it comes to pitchers. He wants them to have a more fair advantage.
The name of Albert Pujols’ private hitting instructor has been leaked. It is of course Amaury Marti.
Albert Pujols dresses up as Amaury Marti for Halloween.
Amaury sky dives with no parachute.
More to come…and feel to suggest a fact in the comments. Try and keep it clean. Thanks!
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Amaury Marti knows the last digit of pi
Mr. T pities the fool. Amaury Marti rips the fool’s head off.
Amaury Marti once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
He is … the most interesting minor league player in the world.
“I don’t always play in the United States. But when I do, I play for the Redbirds.”
The people who banned the 9 year old pitcher from playing for his team because he is too good instituted a new rule for the leage to justify it, it is the Amaury Marti rule for short.
The current Wall Street financial crisis started when Amaury decided to keep his money safe by keeping it at home under the mattress.
John McCain attended the first Presidential debate because Amaury told him to!
The Dominican Peso is now worth more then The US $ since Amaury Marti set foot in Dominican Republic.
Amaury Marti does not chew seeds, he chews nails, glass, and insulation. He also prefers to replace chewing tobbaco with pine tar… and he guts it.
[...] in the Dominican Winter League, the legend grows: outfielder Amaury Cazana Marti leads the league with 13 RBIs. Five of Marti’s 13 hits have [...]
He served as a technical advisor on the set of Hellboy II: The Golden Army.
When Amaury Marti became bored doing his TV show, they replaced him with Tony Danza and added “Who’s” at the beginning of the show’s title.
[...] Amaury Cazana Marti … Remember The Legend? All he’s doing is hitting .314/.390/.535 with seven home runs and 34 RBIs in the Dominican [...]
[...] to the poll is an old prospect, just to see where he fits into this mix: the pick, the outfielder, The Legend … Amaury Cazana [...]
He is rumored to attend the Winter Warm-Up disguised as Nick Stavinoha.
If Amaury Marti had lived in ancient Sparta, the movie would have been called 1 and the Persian force would have been defeated.
In response to FRB shutting down, Amaury Marti has decided to return to Cuba as a sign of respect.
Not sure which will be missed more.
Long live FRB!!!!
In response to FRB NOT shutting down, Amaury Marti has returned from Cuba and has said he will play Pitcher, Catcher, and Centerfield this year….at the same time. Scouts are already raving about the 8-2 double plays that they insist will be a daily staple on top plays.
All kidding aside, where is marti now adays
hes playing in the mexican league on loan from the cards.I believe he played there last year as well
Amaury Marti is the only human being to lose his virginity BEFORE his dad
Superman wears Amaury Marti pajamas to bed
I just realized this guy was a real guy, any info on him I heard he got a spring training invite in 08, another website said on July 31 that he was done for the year in Mexico, but its a website where I’m not an insider…..anyone have real info on him?
Another question, I just saw a different site, that showed his 09 stats in the Mexican League, for afflilate it says none, is he no longer the property of the Cardinals?
Arnoldis Chapman is the only pitcher in the history of the universe to strike out Amaury Marti. It required 104 pitches.
Only three times during his professional career has Marti taken a called strike. On each occasion, the umpire apologized and then donated his entire life savings in Marti’s name to Doctors Without Borders.
When Marti was just 9 years old, dozens of poisonous vipers were found in a catatonic stupor in a cane patch just meters away from a field where Marti had just taken batting practice. They had been charmed by the speed and grace of Marti’s bat.
Marti solved Rubik’s Cube before it was invented.
Fidel Castro decided he wanted to become a father at age 78 just so he could have a son to name Amaury Marti Castro. If it were a girl, she would receive the same name.
Marti’s left and right biceps are tattooed with the words “love” and “fear” respectively. When he flexes both simultaneously, the world is at peace.
Late at night, just before Marti falls asleep, he can hear the earth turning.
Amaury Marti gave roundhouse-kicks to Chuck Norris when Norris was training under him. You can see him shudder in memory of the horror during Walker, Texas Ranger.